


You were the best I never had

by FlowersOnMyMind



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, DarkPilot, F/M, M/M, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, benpoe, force ghost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowersOnMyMind/pseuds/FlowersOnMyMind
Summary: "What was that, darling?""Kylo Ren."Ben tilts his head. "I don't who Kylo Ren is."orPoe and his friends are sent to a planet to find a man who has some intel on the First Order. Poe is attacked and he wakes up in the perfect world.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ~Okay, I've shipped Darkpilot/Benpoe for a while now, and finally have decided to start writing some fanfictions. I have many more planned, that I'm sure are far better than this one. This story won't be too long, maybe 6 or six chapters.~

When Poe steps out of the Falcon, he stands on the ramp, surveying the planet. Sand dunes of all heights and lengths cover the land as far as Poe can see. Every so often a gust of hot wind picked up sand and swirled it in the air. Walking down the ramp, he shields his eyes as he looks up at the golden sun. His body is already warming up and he sheds his dark leather jacket, thankful he's wearing a white shirt underneath. Inhaling the hot air, he winces. BB8 chirps from beside him. 

Poe chuckles. "Yeah, you know it's hot when your droid says it's hot."

Looking back at his friends he sees Rey is unaffected by the heat, as she grew up on Jakku. He has no idea how Ben is tolerating his all-black attire, from head to toe in black; black boots, black pants, long-sleeved black shirt. And then there's Finn. 

"Oh, Stars! It's hot! Why couldn't we have landed on a cold planet?" Finn says.

"What, like Hoth?" Poe smirks at his friend. 

"Ye...No, not that cold. Just a planet that's not so hot. Rey, Rey how did you live on Jakku? I mean, I thought Jakku was hot, but here I can barely breathe! My skin is on fire it's so hot! It's just so..."

"Hot?" Poe guesses, grinning. 

Finn points at him, eyes narrowing. "You're not funny, Dameron." 

"I'm adorable." Poe's grin widens, showing his friend his teeth. 

"You're both idiots," says Ben. 

"Agreed," says Rey, although her tone is light and teasingly. 

"If you're done complaining, we have a mission to complete." Ben's deep voice sends shivers down Poe's spine, in spite of the heat. 

"Do you ever have fun, man?" Finn asks. 

Ben ignores him and begins walking towards the town they landed outside of. Rey shrugs and follows him. Poe and Finn look at each other before they follow, BB8 rolling closely beside Poe. 

Finn pants the further they walk, but Poe has long stopped listening to his complaining. He looks ahead to Ben, whose long black is blowing with the hot breeze. He wonders if Ben is regretting wearing nothing but black yet. He does look good though, but Ben always looks good. 

Poe would love it if they were on Yavin IV. He would fall into the lake not far from his childhood home. He can almost feel the cool water on his skin. He remembers when they were just kids and he and Ben used to play in the lake all the time, splashing around and dunking one another under the water. 

BB8 chirps at him. 

"Huh? Ah, nothing, buddy. Just thinking. What, a guy can't just smile?"

BB8 continues to beep. 

"Yeah, I know when it's this hot, there's nothing to really smile about. I was just thinking of Yavin."

When BB8 replies, Poe laughs, making Rey and Ben glance back at them. Rey smiles and turns back around. Ben's stare lingers a moment and Poe grins at him. His black hair and clothes stand out against his pale skin, his long black hair sweaty and beads of sweat litter his face. Ben is handsome, so very handsome. Ben's emotionless face turns back around. And Poe has to refrain himself from sighing. He doesn't have much time to be sad because Finn stumbles into him and Poe barely manages to catch his friend, keeping them both from hitting the ground. Panting dramatically Finn says, "Thanks, buddy." 

Grunting as he supports his friend's weight, Poe replies, "No problem." 

"How much further?" 

"I see the town now at least," Poe says. "Maybe another couple miles." 

They had landed the Falcon far from the city because it's known for its dangers and crooks. Chewie stayed with the ship, to guard it. It would be their luck that scavengers stripped the Falcon for parts. Not to mention how angry Chewie would be if someone tore apart his home.

Finn groans, the sound coming out whiney and pitchy and he leans even more on Poe. Poe is already struggling to hold the taller man up as it is. He laughs again and misses the way Ben is looking back, frown across his features as he looks at the two men with their arms around one another.

The town is full of rundown shops and buildings, tattered fabric blows in paneless windows. The buildings had chipped paint and cracks. Not a person in sight. For a moment, Poe thinks the town is abandoned until people ran out when they saw the four coming.

"Come in, come in! Finest blasters around!" 

"Best food on the planet right here in my restaurant!" 

"I have anything you'll need! Blaster, bacta, speeders, speeder parts!" 

"I'll trade instead of taking credits!"

They come to a stop. An elderly woman with long gray hair and golden skin and purple eyes is filling a bucket in the fountain. "We don't get many visitors here," she says, her voice shaky. "So, when we do people get a little...excited. You're their chance to make some credits. I'd watcht hat droid of yours, he'll get stripped for parts." 

"BB can take care himself, right buddy?" Poe asks, looking at the droid who chirps and does a small circle around his the pilot's feet.

"Hello," Rey says, walking up to her. "Do you know where we could find Exla-Conny?"

"He is a hard man to find. One day he here, one day he's there. You'll have to look for him, I'm afraid." 

Rey smiles. "Thank you." 

"Let's split up and start looking," Poe suggests. "We'll meet back here in an hour." 

They all walk off in different directions. BB8 whirls after his human. Poe glances back and stops. Kneeling down, he says, "Sorry, buddy. We should split up too. We'll cover more ground that way." BB's head falls forward with a sad chirp. Poe grins ruefully and rubs his tummy affectionately. With a promise to make it up to the droid when they get back to base, they part ways. 

The first few shops Poe went into, he was bombarded by the owners to buy something, some even blackmailing him. "I might know something about Conny if you buy something." Poe, not falling for their tricks, left.

Stepping out from the last shop, he sighs. He shields his eyes from the sun as he looks around for his next target. Instead, he sees an elderly man, short, and thin, struggling to carry a crate. Poe quickly runs across the street to help him. "Here," he says, "let me help you." He picks the crate up with ease. 

"Oh," the man huffs, "thank you." He takes a rag from his pocket and wipes the beads of sweat from his bald head. What little hair he had, was wrapped around the sides and back of his head. It was a pale blue and his skin a peachy orange. His fingers, Poe noticed, were long, really long. And even in this heat, the man wore a large, bulky coat. 

"This way," the man begins walking down the street and Poe follows him. The man stops in front of a shop and holds back the curtain in the doorway. Poe has to duck to go through the door, but once inside he can stand fully. 

He sets the crate down on the counter and looks around at the rundown shop. There wasn't much to look at it; very few items lined the shelves, and they were covered in dust and cobwebs. 

"I didn't think I would ever get here. Thank you. I'm not as young as I used to be." 

Poe smiles at him. "It's no problem." 

"Is there anything I can do for you? I don't have much offer credits-wise, but I'm sure there must be 'something' I can do."

"Actually, yes. I'm looking for...."

"Oh! I know! Let's have some tea. Come, come!" The man disappears behind a curtain in the back. 

"Oh, no, no. That's alright. I just need some information." 

"Come! Join me! I insist!" 

Poe sighs and wonders if the others have had any luck. He goes through the curtain the man had disappeared through. When he enters the room, which is a tiny kitchen/dining room, he doesn't see the man anywhere. "Uh, look, sir," he raises his voice so that wherever the man had gone can hear him, "I'm just looking for a man. He goes by the name of-"

Poe is struck from behind, and he is blinded by pain. His vision is black by the time he hits the dirt floor. Behind him, the old man laughs gleefully. 

Poe awakens slowly, a low groan escaping his lips. He's so warm and the bed he's on is the most comfortable he's been in, in years. It's nothing like the standard cots he's used to sleeping on. He never wants to get up. 

It takes a moment to realize he's not alone. An arm is draped lazily over his middle, and hot puffs of air hit the back of his neck. Taking in a deep breath, he wills himself to calm down so he can go about this rationally.

Leia had sent them on a mission to look for a man who had information about the First Order. The planet was hot. Finn was complaining about it. They went to the town and split up. BB8 hadn't wanted to split up from him. He helped a man carry a crate to his shop. The man insisted on having tea and then...nothing. Did he have tea? Did the man slip him something? He doesn't remember having tea. He remembers the awful pain in the side of his head and then nothing. 

The body behind him shifts slightly and then he feels lips on the back of his neck. Slow, sensual kisses. Poe feels sick. Had he been drugged and sold into slavery? Did someone...use his body for their own pleasure while he was unconscious?

"Good morning," a deep voice says from behind him. Poe's heart jolts painfully in his chest. 

"Ben?!" 

"What's wrong?" Ben is slowly turning him onto his back and he's half-hovering over him. He's looking at him with such concern, Poe almost melts. 

"Ben? What-what's going on? What happened? We were looking for Exla-Conny and then..."

Ben shushes, his big hand coming up to brush the hair from his forehead. His long fingers softly trail down the side of Poe's face. "It's okay, you're okay. You must have been dreaming."

Poe shakes his head. "No, no it wasn't a dream. Something...Something happened. I don't know what, but..."

"Sweetheart, you hit your head yesterday. You were climbing out of the speeder, but your foot got caught and you fell. You just must be a little confused." 

And now that Ben mentions it, the side of his head does hurt. That story makes sense. But no, no, no, no! That can't be right...

Poe jerks out from under him and he stands, his back hits the wall. And oh Stars, he's just in his underwear. His heart is beating so fast he feels dizzy. A tightness clenches in his chest, making it hard for him to breathe. "Sweetheart..." Ben begins. 

"Stop calling me that! Is this a joke or something? I - I don't know what's happening right now! Tell me what's going on!"

"Why don't we start with what you think is going on," Ben says carefully, cautiously. 

Poe relays the mission to him quickly, panicked. He can't calm down no matter how hard he tries. He needed answers and he needed them now. Poe has been trained to keep calm in the scariest of situations, but he woke up in bed, in Ben's arms and he's practically naked and...and he's on the verge of a panic attack. 

"My mother sent us on a mission to get intel on what?"

"The First Order!"

"Alright," Ben says slowly, "What's the First Order? Tell me what that is."

Poe is at a loss for words. What's the First Order? What...?

Ben slowly gets out of bed. Stars, he's in his underwear as well. Poe has to refrain from reaching out to brush his fingers against his abs. Ben always did have a nice body, even when they just teenagers. 

"Sweethe - Poe," Ben stands in front of him and cautiously cups Poe's arms in his large hands. His heart is still racing, but with Ben's hands on him like, he can breathe better. "You must have been dreaming and with the head injury, you must be a little confused. Don't worry, you'll be alright. I'll send for the doctor." He kisses Poe's forehead, his lips linger and Poe's skin feels like it's on fire. Every time Ben touches him Poe's skin burns in the best way possible. 

"Get back in bed and I'll call for her." 

With that, he's gone and Poe is left to look around the room. The bedside table has a lamp on it, and right beside the lamp is a holo. Poe looks at it closely after he picks it up. In the holo, Ben is wearing black Jedi attire, while Poe wears white robes, they're kissing. It looks like a...Stars, it's a wedding! He and Ben are _married_? They're younger in the holo. It must have been taken years ago.

Poe drops the holo and it falls to the carpeted floor with a soft thud, the holo disappears into the device. His head feels light and the world begins to tilt. The panic is back full force, and he briefly wonders if it's possible for one's heart to beat out of their chest. Leaning on the bedside table, he tries to get his breathing under control, tries to will the dizziness away. 

"Poe? Poe!" Ben's voice seems so far away. But then he feels hands on him. "Poe, I should have helped you get into bed. I'm so sorry, darling." 

He lets Ben guide him to the bed...to their bed...

Once Poe is leaned up against pillows, a blanket pulled up to his waist, he says the one thing that could break this facade, this...whatever this is. At least, that's what he's hoping. He says, Kylo Ren. Ben is busy fixing the blanket and only says, "Hm?" 

He leans over and picks up the holo frame. After switching it back on, he sets it back on the bedside table. And Poe looks away from it, though it is burned into his memory.

Once Ben has the holo frame in it's place, and the blanket fixed he looks at Poe. "What was that, darling?"

"Kylo Ren." 

Ben tilts his head. "I don't who Kylo Ren is. Is that one of your students?"

"Students?"

Ben's brow creases in worry. "Yes, your students? From one of your classes? You teach a class at the Yavin IV academy." 

Poe's head is spinning. Him? Teaching a class? At the Yavin academy? He and Ben married? No First Order or Kylo Ren? What world has he fallen into? What beautiful, wonderfully perfect world has he fallen into?

"Your hands are trembling." Ben covers Poe's shaking hands with his own. Poe looks at them; Ben's large hands completely swallowing his own.

"The doctor is on her way. Just relax." 

Millions of questions are going through his mind, but he settles on this one, "How long have we been married?" Because _that_ is what he should be worried about right now.

Ben removes one of his hands from Poe's and rubs his hair gently, a soft smile gracing his lips. Poe thinks it looks nice on him. Ben never smiles. "8 years. I asked you to marry me when I was 18, you were 20. You said yes. But we married when I was finished with my training, two years later." 

"Training? Jedi training?"

Ben's smile grows. "Yes! That's right. See, it's coming back to you."

"You became a Jedi instead of..."

"Instead of what?" Ben asks with interest.

_Instead of becoming Kylo Ren._

"Nothing, nothing." After a moment of silence he asks, "Where's Finn? And Rey?"

"Finn is off-planet. He's assisting Rose in freeing Fathiers. And Rey is training younglings at the Jedi Temple with my Uncle." 

"And BB?"

"In the living room, charging."

Poe sinks further into the pillows, trying to process all of the information he was just told. And he never wants Ben to stop rubbing his hair. 

The doctor arrives just minutes later and Ben stands by the foot of the bed, arms crossed over his broad chest, while she checks Poe over. 

"You have one nasty concussion, I'm afraid," She says. 

"Is that why he doesn't remember much?" Ben asks. 

"Yes. It will all come back with time. No flying for a while. Just a few days at the most. I'll check back with you tomorrow if that's alright." 

"Of course," Ben tells her. 

She stands and Ben follows her out of the room. 

BB8 comes whirling in and Poe smiles. "Buddy, hey." It's good to see something familiar. While Ben is familiar, their relationship is not. Even though it's something Poe had always wanted. 

BB8 chirps wildly, glad to see his master is alright. 

Poe asks about the last mission Leia had given them and Exla-Conny, but BB8 has no record of such things. Poe sighs and relaxes back in the bed. 

BB8 chirps, asking if he's alright. 

"I honestly don't know, buddy. I'm really confused." 

Ben comes back a moment later with a steaming mug in his hands. "I made you some tea." He sits on the edge of the bed and holds it out for Poe. Poe takes it. The warmth does nothing to comfort him. He sips it mechanically while Ben watches him.

"Is there anything else that you...Do you have any more questions?"

Poe looks at him over his mug. "Oh," Poe chuckles humorously, "yeah." 

"I'll answer them." 

"I..." Poe swallows thickly, "um...you said I teach at Yavin academy? Is that where we are now? Yavin IV?"

Ben nods, "Yes."

"And you're a Jedi. What do you do?"

"I help train younglings sometimes, but I hate to be away from you for so long. So, sometimes Uncle and Rey bring them here for short periods of time. I sometimes go on short diplomatic missions for my mother."

"Leia." 

"Yes, she's a senator."

As a child, Poe grew up knowing Leia as a senator. She used to be good friends with his parents and she visited them often. Always bringing Ben along until he was sent off to train with Luke. But when Ben...turned to the dark side she became General Organa. And that's how Poe knows her best. 

"Did we grow up together?"

"Yes," Ben smiles fondly at him again. 

"Our parents were old friends and Mother visited Yavin IV often to see them. We would play and have a wonderful time. I would always throw a fit when we had to leave." He chuckles softly. 

"And when you turned 10, you went to train with Luke?"

"Yes. The hardest part was not seeing you as often." 

Poe watches the brown tea in his mug, how the white steam dances from the liquid and disappears into the air. "Were you ever...tempted by the dark side?" He lifts his eyes up to look at Ben. 

"No," Ben whispers, shaking his head. "Is that what you dreamed about?"

Poe doesn't know what to do or say, so he just nods. 

Ben rests a hand on his thigh. Poe likes it there. 

"Tell me." 

And Poe does. He starts from the beginning when Ben turned into Kylo Ren and slaughtered half of the Jedi at the temple and took the rest as his Knights of Ren. How another war broke out, how he was a commander under General Leia, and how Kylo Ren captured and tortured him. His escape with the help of Finn, and he tells him about the death of Han solo, and finally how Kylo Ren...surrendered himself after the battle with Rey on weapon planet Starkiller base. How she helped him see the light. 

Ben listens to everything, hangs on to every word. And when he's finished Poe feels exhausted. Ben sees this and gently takes the half-empty and now cold tea from him and sets it on the nightstand. He takes both of Poe's hands in his. 

"Sweetheart, that's awful you dreamt such a horrible thing. But none of that happened. I was never tempted by the dark side. I would never leave you for anything." He lifts Poe's hands to his lips and kisses them softly. 

The lump in Poe's throat grows painfully and his eyes prick with unshed tears. This is all he's ever wanted. How he dreamt of this moment ever since Ben left to the dark side. 

"I..." He breathes, a sob half breaking free, "I'm so confused." 

Ben moves closer and gently pulls Poe into his arms. "It's okay, Darling. I'm here. Everything is alright. I would never hurt you or leave you."

Poe cries and Ben holds him even long after he's finished. 

Exhaustion fully takes over and he drifts off with Ben's arms and Ben's scent around him. 

He awakes in the same position; comfortable bed, strong arms around him. And he almost cries again. Has he lost his mind? Is this all a dream? When is he going to wake up? Maybe this really is his life and he just dreamt up all the bad stuff as Ben said. No, he couldn't have...could he? 

BB8 whirls into his line of vision. "Hey, buddy," he mumbles. He reaches out and lays a hand on the droid's cold metal flesh. He listens to the droid chirp happily at his master. 

Ben's arm tightens on him. "How are you feeling?" He asks into Poe's neck. 

"I don't know, honestly." 

"I can tell my mother and Luke you're not feeling well." 

"Your mother and Luke?"

"They're on planet visiting. They're supposed to have dinner with us tonight, but they will understand if you're not feeling well." 

Poe turns around in Ben's arms quickly, their faces just an inch apart. "No, no, don't tell them that. I want to see them." He doesn't know why it's so important to see Leia and Luke, but he wants to so badly. 

Ben searches Poe's face. 

"Alright."

And Ben kisses his lips, soft and slow. His hand cupping Poe's cheek tenderly. Poe kisses back. He opens his part his lips and Ben licks into his mouth. 

"I love you," he breathes into Poe's mouth. 

If this is all a dream, then Poe never wants to wake up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Let me know if I should continue this. I'm not proud of this chapter.~

As Ben cooks, Poe takes the opportunity to look around. The home is small, two bedrooms; one master and one guest, a bathroom, living room, and kitchen. Holos were on the walls in the living room. There was one of him, Rey, and Finn. Her arms slung over their shoulders, holding them close. One was of him and Ben in mid-laugh. Poe reaches up and brushes his fingers over Ben's laughing face. 

_He looks happy_ , Poe muses. He grins. It's been so long since he's seen Ben happy. 

BB8 rolls up to him and bumps his leg before he can finish looking at the holos. Poe kneels down and scratches the droid's tummy. "This is a weird situation, huh?" He says more to himself than the droid.

Poe doesn't know if he was drugged or dreaming. The last thing he remembers is the funny little man he had helped and then pain. He reaches up to the side of his head as phantom ache pulses in his head. 

_If it's the second one then it's one helluva a dream,_ he thinks. 

He walks over to the bar and slides up onto a stool to watch Ben move through the kitchen with ease, grabbing utensils, stirring the contents in a pot as it boils on the stove. Poe offers to help, but Ben insists he can do it and that Poe needs to take it easy. He smiles as Ben, an apparent Jedi Knight, cuts into a purple carrot slowly, eyebrows scrunched in concentration. But after Poe watches him cut vegetables for 20 minutes, he says, "Are we eating this dinner tonight or...?"

Ben glowers down at the vegetables in front of him. A chuckle escapes Poe's lips, making Ben look at him. He sighs and slides the cutting board across the bar to him. Once Poe has the knife in hand and the board in front of him, he starts slicing through the vegetables with ease. 

"Show off," Ben mutters under his breath as he fills a pot with water. 

Poe finishes quickly and Ben takes the board from and slides the vegetables into the boiling water. Ben sets a flank steak in front of him and Poe cuts that up as well. 

Poe is washing the raw meat residue from his hands when he feels hands slide around his waist. Ben buries his face in Poe's neck, kissing at the skin lightly. Poe tilts his head back until he meets Ben's shoulder and he breathes out a moan. 

"Ben..." He breathes. 

Ben's hand slides down to his pants, the fingers slip under his shirt and caress the skin there. Ben's hand goes lower until it's inside Poe's waistband. Poe's breathing quickens. His hand goes lower and lower until it's almost, _almost_ touching Poe's cock. 

Ben's teeth scrape over the flesh of Poe's neck and chill bumps break out over his skin. Poe rolls his head to the side, giving Ben more access to the expanse of his neck. 

Ben groans, low into Poe's skin. "I want you." 

And Poe opens his mouth to say, _Have me, take me, take me right here in the kitchen_ but he's interrupted by a knock at the door. 

"Ah," Poe groans, disappointment and frustration filling him. 

Ben huffs and grumbles, "I'll get it." He adjusts his pants on the way out of the kitchen and Poe smirks. 

Poe finishes at the sink and is drying his hands as he listens to the voices in the other room. 

"Mother, you're early," Ben greets. 

"Hello, dear. I know, but we're just all so eager to see you two. It's been months." 

"Uncle."

"How have you been?" Luke asks. 

"Fine, and you?"

Poe smiles as he listens. He hears Rey's voice and BB8 beeps excitedly. And then he hears Ben say, "I thought you were still doing the Paca run." 

And then he hears the fourth voice. 

"Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea who you're talking to? I finished that _days_ ago." It's rough but holds a certain kindness to it.

Poe throws the dishtowel down and hurries into the living room. Rey is kneeled down talking happily to his droid. Luke, Leia, and Ben are crowded together as Ben talks with...

"Han," Poe breathes. 

Han looks up and grins. "Hey ki...OOF!" 

Poe hugs him tightly, taking in the man's scent. He smells like spice and oil. Han laughs, surprised. Poe feels his big and calloused hands on his arms before Han's arms wrap around his back. "It _has_ been a while, huh kiddo?"

Before Han died, Poe hadn't seen him in years, not since Bens's departure to the dark side. But he remembers Han, all fun and laughs. He used to take Poe and Ben aboard the Falcon all the time and even used to let Poe steer the legendary craft as a kid. He had no idea how much he's missed the older man until now. 

Han is...alive. Kylo Ren didn't kill him. Kylo Ren didn't kill him because Kylo Ren never existed...

"What are we, chopped wampa meat?" He hears Luke say. 

Poe makes himself pull away from Han and he's pulled into Luke's arms. Poe didn't even know Luke well growing up. He had always been Ben's mysterious uncle. It wasn't until Rey journeyed across the galaxy to get him and bring him back to the resistance that Poe began to get to know him, but right now, the man's hug is comforting.

Next is Leia, who cups his cheek and pecks his lips lightly. Poe has never received a hug as tight as Rey's in his life, but he returns it. Once they part, Poe keeps an arm around her waist. Han claps him on the back, jostling him forward a bit. 

Ouch, that hurt his head. 

"Heard you took a fall yesterday, kiddo." 

"Yes, he did, and he has a concussion, so would you be careful with him?" Ben says coming to stand between Poe and his father. 

Han holds his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright, down boy." 

Poe chuckles, which makes Ben look down at him and smile. 

They eat outside, the backyard lit with lanterns, casting a yellow glow upon them. Poe sits between Ben and Rey. Rey excitedly tells him about teaching the younglings of the way of the force, while Luke tells Ben what's been going on at the temple and how much he and Rey miss him at the temple. Han talks about his latest run. _Chewie is visiting Maz_ , Han told them with a smirk over his wine glass. 

It's wonderful. Everything is wonderful; the food, the company, this life. Though, Ben wouldn't let him have any of the wine Han brought because of his concussion, which is fine. Luke chose not to drink any. So, he and Luke stuck with blue milk. 

"I've been reading ancient Jedi texts! The knowledge from the Jedi scrolls is endless! The younglings are wonderful! It's so much fun to teach them. Oh, Poe, you have to come and stay with us for a while! See the younglings and how we teach. You would love the island!" Rey smiles so excitedly that Poe can see all of her teeth. 

"I will. It sounds like fun," he says, although he knows that's impossible. His Rey is still a padawan. Her training is coming along well though. He and Finn sometimes watch her train and Poe is always impressed by how powerful and strong she is. She is a force to be wrecked with. 

"Oh!" She says suddenly, startling him. "We have to call Finn! He'll be so jealous that we're together and he's missing out!" She reaches down on her other side to dig into her bag. She pulls out a pad and after pressing a few buttons, a blue hologram of Finn shoots up from the device.

"Rey!" He says happily. He laughs excitedly. "It's been a long time! I've missed you!" 

"Hi, Finn! I've missed you too! How are things?"

"Going pretty well. Rose and I have freed about a two dozen Fathiers in counting here on Cantonica." 

"That's wonderful! Tell Rose I said hi!"

"Will do! What about you? What are you up to? How's the whole Jedi thing coming along?"

"It's all going very well! And I don't mean to brag or anything but..." She leans into Poe's side and Poe drapes an arm around her shoulders. "Hey, buddy!"

"POE!" He shouts so loudly, it makes everyone wince. 

Leia and Luke chuckle, while both Han and Ben shake their heads. 

"Ah! My two best friends in the whole galaxy! Don't tell Rose I said that though. I didn't know we were having a reunion!

"We aren't, it's just Poe and me," Rey says matter of factly. 

"Oh, I see how it is!" Finn goes off on a rampage about how he and Rey don't really care about him. Poe and Rey laugh at him. 

Something catches his eye further off in the yard, by some trees. It's a figure, glowing blue. He turns his head so he can look at it fully. It's a man, dressed in all black, with long brown hair. He's too far away for Poe to get a good look at him. He's shaking his head at Poe and Poe wishes he knew what for. 

A hand suddenly falls on his thigh and he looks up at Ben, who is looking out where Poe had just been. He looks back to Poe. "Are you alright?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah." He shakes his head. When he back to the trees, the man is gone. He grins at Ben. "Just thought I saw something." 

Ben returns the grin and leans over to kiss Poe's lips lightly. And even with Ben's lips on his, Poe can't get the glowing man out of his mind. How had no one else seen him? Who is he? 

"Oh! That's nasty! If you guys just called so I could see my best friend kiss his husband, then I wouldn't have picked up!" Finn says loudly, but tone teasing. 

Poe breaks away from Ben. "Aw, Finn! You're just jealous. Don't worry, there's still room in my heart for you! You know I love you!" 

" _Mhm_ ," Finn hums, "Sure."

"I mean it," Chuckles Poe. 

"Love you too, good buddy. Listen, I gotta get going. Love you guys. Talk to you soon. And if you guys have another reunion without me, I'll...I'll set some Fathiers loose on ya! That's what I'll do!" 

"No promises," Rey smiles. 

The holo turns off, signaling Finn ended the call. Poe and Rey look at each other and crack up, the man still in the back of Poe's mind. It's probably nothing. If he's dreamed up this perfect life, then why not have a mysterious figure thrown into the mix to keep things interesting. 

Leia volunteers Han to help Ben clear the table. He grumbles as he carries plates inside, Ben shaking his head with a fond smile on his lips as he follows. 

Rey still speaks animatedly about the Jedi temple again and Poe listens to every word. Luke throws in some comments every so often and Leia sits quietly, observing, a small, but fond smile on her lips. 

"Dinner was lovely, boys," Leia says, sitting down on the couch in the living room. 

"Thank you," Ben says as he sits down in the recliner. He reaches out and takes hold of Poe's hand, and guides him to sit down in his lap. 

After everyone finds a seat, the conversations start up again. 

As the evening goes on, it gets harder and harder for Poe to keep his eyes open. He leans his cheek against Ben's chest and listens as Ben's deep voice rumbles through his chest as he talks. The excited chatter and merry laughs start to lull him to sleep. The voices get softer and further away. 

He feels soft lips press to his forehead. Leia.

"See you, boys, soon." 

"Goodbye, mother." 

He heard Luke say his goodbye. 

"I'll lock the door on the way out," Han says. 

Poe feels a gentle hand on his knee and Rey's sweet voice. "Take care, you two." 

After the door shuts, Poe feels fingers in his hair and lips on his temple. And then he's being lifted up gracefully. He hums appreciatively. Ben chuckles, pressing a kiss to his temple again. 

He's laid down on their bed and the blanket is drawn up to his chin. "I love you," he hears Ben say. 

"Love you too," Poe mumbles. 

Poe groans as he feels hands on him. He buries his face further into his pillow. There's a deep chuckle above him and then lips on his temple. 

"Darling, I have to meet with my mother and the Senator of Yavin IV. I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

Poe hums in reply. He's drifting back to sleep and only catches the last of what Ben tells him. "-coming by to keep you company. I love you." 

Poe is asleep by the time Ben kisses him again. 

He wakes up to the sound of knocking. He groans into his pillow before swinging his feet over the side of the bed and standing. He stumbles out of the bedroom and down the hall. He's still rubbing the sleep from his eyes when he answers the door. 

"Poe Dameron, are you just waking up? It's past 10!" 

Poe's heart stops and he jerks his eyes open. 

No, it can't be. First Han and now...

"Mom," he whispers, staring at the beautiful woman in front of him. 

She's older, silver strands of hair contrasting against her raven-colored locks, wrinkles by the corners of her eyes. She's beautiful, as beautiful as the last day Poe saw her alive when he was just 8 years old. He remembers bawling into 6-year-old Ben's chest for hours as they sat by the lake. 

He reaches out and rests his hand on her shoulder, gripping it too tightly. She feels so real. "Mom," he says again, voice shaky. 

"Honey, what's wrong?" Her face contorts into one of worry. 

And it's then that Poe feels the tears rolling freely down his cheeks. He pulls her into him, wrapping his arms around her waist. She feels real.

"I can't believe..." He says into her chest. He feels her hands rest on his back and then she's hugging him just as tight. 

"Ben said you fell the other day, that you've been a little confused. He didn't want to leave you alone just yet."

"You're so beautiful," he sniffs.

"What's going on, Ace?" 

Poe lets out a watery chuckle at the nickname his mother had given him so many years ago when things were simpler when there was no war and no first order when his mother used to take him up in her A-wing. They would zoom through the sky, through the clouds, and straight to the stars. 

He looks picks his head up and looks at her. He's shorter than her, having gotten his height from his father, who is the same height as Poe. 

She takes a hand from his back and cups his cheek. "Do you need a doctor? Are you in pain?"

'Yes,' he wants to say. His heart is aching, screaming with such a pain he wants to fall to his knees. 

He shakes his head and says, "Mom, I..."

"Yes?"

"I love you," he tells her, bringing on a new wave of tears. 

She's taken aback. "I love you too." She leans down and kisses the top of his head. "Now, are we going to stand in the doorway all day or are going to invite me in?"

If he had the choice, he would rather stay right here in the doorway, with his mother in his arms. He _never_ wants to let her go. 

After his mother ushers him inside, they sit down in the living room. He sits too close to her, but she doesn't seem to mind. He takes his hand in hers and holds it as she complains about his father. 

"That man," she says, "I don't know what I'm going to do with him. I love him, don't get me wrong, Ace, but sometimes...Oh! Just the other day, he..." 

Poe laughs as he listens and runs his thumb over the top of her hand. BB8 rolls over to them and Poe can't describe the happiness that settles in his chest as he watches his mother and droid converse. 

His mother had died doing what she loved; flying. She died on a mission to Ryloth, an enemy craft shot her down. The thought of it makes his heart clench. 

Like most times, when he's deep in thought or upset, he reaches up to his chest where his mother's wedding ring lays on a chain around his neck. But only this time, it isn't there. 

"Are you hurting? What's wrong, Ace?" His mother is now looking at him, the same worried expression on her face like earlier. She raises a hand towards him and that's when he sees his ring - his mother's ring- on her finger. Her hand finds it's way to Poe's forehead. 

"You don't feel warm," She observes. 

That ring has brought him comfort so many times over the years, but he would much rather see it on his mother's finger than around his neck. He closes his eyes as her hand moves up to his hair and her nails rake over his scalp lightly. 

"Maybe you should go lay down, honey." 

His eyes open quickly. "No!" She jumps at his outburst. 

More calmly he says, "I mean, I just...I want to spend time with you, mom." 

She smiles warmly. "Oh, we have all the time in the world, Ace. Go lay down. I'll wake you in a little while." 

"Will you come with me?" He hates how desperate he sounds. 

She looks at him for a long moment, trying to see any hidden meaning in his face or words. But in the end, she says, "Of course." 

She settles in the middle of his and Ben's bed and he follows. She guides him to lay his head in her lap. He hears BB8 rolling into the room. 

This is what Heaven looks like; a life with Ben, his mother alive, no intergalactic war. It's everything he ever wanted. 

He falls asleep with his mother's fingers combing through his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> ~Please let me know what y'all thought of it so far. Let me know what you liked, didn't like. Is there anything y'all want to see in this fanfiction? I have it all planned out and I'm almost done typing up chapter two. The fic title is from Oscar Isaac's song _Never Had. Come talk to me on Tumblr; FlowerOnMyMind1016_


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